I'm not sure what caused such a deep desire to visit Europe, but it probably sprung from my mom, who spoke of her time in Europe (a brief stint abroad during college) with deep reverence. I think, judging from how she spoke about it, that it was probably the highlight of her life. She never returned to Europe, and I sensed that she was sad about it, regretful. Mom may not have returned to Europe, but she raised me with an appreciation for arts and culture, with a longing to see the origin of so much of what I appreciated at home in art books and literature. She told me about Florence and we watched "A Room with a View" together. She showed me the works of Monet, Renoir, and Degas. We went to Bastille Days in Milwaukee. We watched foreign films together. She dreamed of returning and I dreamed of going in the first place.
 |
| This book was doubtless one of my early influences urging me towards Europe. It was one of my 2 or 3 favorite storybooks as a child. |
In the 6th grade I started studying French, and by the 10th grade I was studying French and Spanish. I was great at languages and took home the prizes for both from my school. Then I made the ridiculous decision to attend a university without a regular language program, and during my first run at college my ability began to wither away. Also during college, I developed severe depression and my mother died in a car accident (in that order). Europe, far from being in the front of my mind, moved all the way to the back.
It wasn't until years later, during my second run at university, that the idea of Europe began to call to me again, when I started studying Spanish at my second university - a less esteemed public university, which nevertheless offered much better language programs. I also began to feel hope for my future again. Finally able to study and take care of myself well after years of just getting by, I started to hope for more. I was still way too broke to travel anywhere, let alone Europe, but I was well enough to want it. Yet I never explored a study abroad - partly due to my grumpy cat, partly due to the boy I was dating at the time (now my husband), partly due to believing it was out of my financial range.
Fast-forward to now. I am married. I live in South Korea. I have somehow still never been to Europe. The money that you could once make teaching English in Korea or Japan has diminished quite a bit, so that I'm making about what I made as a nanny back in Portland, though the cost of living is somewhat less. However, student loans, debts and living expenses swallow most of my income. Going to Europe is still a sizable undertaking requiring careful budgeting and forethought.
Which brings me to this blog. I don't know if recording this year of planning, scheming and dreaming will be the difference that I need to make it work this time, but it can't really hurt. This is the place for my dreams to grow.
Europe, 2015, here I come.
No comments:
Post a Comment